To my teenage crush: F. X.,

It was really exciting for me to you see again today, even though only seeing you on Facebook, but that's quite enough. My heart was beating fast and my hands were trembling. It was you, I am sure. You are the exact same person that I have had in my memory for the last three years. Or at least you look the same.

I remember your smile and the day you hold my hand at the zoo, the two things that I will always remember. I also remember your unwillingness to give up in various debates, and even that time you trying to fight that guy who's more than twice of your size. It would be a lie to say that I remember everything you did, but I tried to remember as much as possible.

I love you. Or at least I used to. I always tell myself that I love you - until this day, the day that I see you again, I question myself, "What's love?"

Love /lʌv/ n., strong feelings of attraction towards, and affection for, another adult, or great affection for a friend or family member - Cambridge Dictionary

Yes, I know what love is, but do I understand what it is? Afraid not. You are the only person I remember loving, but do I, or even did I, truly love you by its definition?

I wish I can still tell you "te amo" with affection and passionately, but I can't. I guess I might have lied to myself the whole time.

Perhaps I do love you, perhaps not. I can't even be sure. I used to laugh at those people who have their relationship status set as "It's too complicated", but I know how it really feels like now - way too complicated to be deal by a human being.

I give up. Maybe after all these years, it's time for me to have a fresh start.

Thank you.

[photo by fleurione, used under a CC-license]

Comments

Who's that to? Your maths teacher? :P

Christian BS - 12.03.07 #

I already showed Christian the picture, but if anyone's curios, no, she's not my teacher, she's my age (or at least in my age group).

Haochi - 12.03.07 #